Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.

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  (301): Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them. http://tfl.nu/uwdn
  Replies (25) Good night (3433) Bad night (667)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.

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  (817): you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar. http://tfl.nu/9tne
  Replies (16) Good night (3070) Bad night (651)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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  (678): Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth. http://tfl.nu/wet5
  Replies (9) Good night (754) Bad night (3346)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.

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  (570): don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you. http://tfl.nu/ijol
  Replies (22) Good night (3799) Bad night (818)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

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  (609): he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/w4ku
  Replies (17) Good night (737) Bad night (6729)
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  (716): View more from New York

  once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party

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  (716): once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party http://tfl.nu/h6v5
  Replies (10) Good night (963) Bad night (3917)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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  (917): On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests http://tfl.nu/0vji
  Replies (7) Good night (3231) Bad night (1965)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you

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  (214): My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you http://tfl.nu/i385
  Replies (12) Good night (4015) Bad night (1031)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.

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  (567): Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho. http://tfl.nu/6eue
  Replies (2) Good night (1684) Bad night (576)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere

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  (907): I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him (307): Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere http://tfl.nu/182x
  Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (550)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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  (303): My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief. http://tfl.nu/edfe
  Replies (3) Good night (1081) Bad night (436)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet

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  (616): I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet http://tfl.nu/hxg9
  Replies (2) Good night (908) Bad night (327)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"

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  (513): You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest" http://tfl.nu/n3kn
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (317)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY

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  (717): WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY http://tfl.nu/nywf
  Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (314)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.

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  (413): Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire. http://tfl.nu/m4ao
  Replies (0) Good night (840) Bad night (207)

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