Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

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  (303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight. http://tfl.nu/0aby
  Replies (18) Good night (4023) Bad night (1032)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (979) Bad night (3761)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7922) Bad night (1482)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

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  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5588) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF

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  (519): someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF http://tfl.nu/7zg4
  Replies (20) Good night (3390) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!

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  (702): i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield! http://tfl.nu/o1fu
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..

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  (501): I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half.. http://tfl.nu/kmcb
  Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.

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  (603): trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment. (603): naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS. http://tfl.nu/yhfs
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked

  (1+66): View more from

  oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you

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  (+66): i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked (1+66): oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you http://tfl.nu/vprd
  Replies (1) Good night (1064) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.

  (562): View more from California

  I love my job.

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  (562): Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night. (562): I love my job. http://tfl.nu/bsab
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila

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  (727): Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila http://tfl.nu/16vs
  Replies (5) Good night (937) Bad night (364)
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  (607): View more from New York

  guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear

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  (607): guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/rhya
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

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  (216): if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid http://tfl.nu/kpi9
  Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.

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  (530): 75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa. http://tfl.nu/jlp4
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.

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  (864): Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit. http://tfl.nu/yqm1
  Replies (2) Good night (153) Bad night (456)

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