after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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