I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
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You. Win. At. Life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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