Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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