Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
