I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...