Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
"it" just moved
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
