We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
