the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
