my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
