If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
