I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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