it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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