i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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