You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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