so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
