Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
