Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
