and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
