yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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