I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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