I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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