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I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
