i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
