I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
