6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this boner is exhausting
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
