Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
