I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are these your boobs on my camera?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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