they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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