I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
