It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
