Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
