Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize