I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
