There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My liver just broke up with me...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
