A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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