I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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