You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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