he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
