Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
