I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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