i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
