So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
