who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
