the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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