he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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