he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
