the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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