11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
