Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
