I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.