Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.