this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty