Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
