why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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