Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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