you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There are leaves in my underwear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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