He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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