Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
