I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
