good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
