I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
