Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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