you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
