It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
where are my eyebrows?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
