I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
