Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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