Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
