A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
