So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
