Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
