Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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