I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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