Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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