she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
