atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
