Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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